:(

i haven't been a single bit happy since cny.
and i found out the main reason.
my job.
the love-hate relationship i have with it, is back.
but this time, it seems much worst.
just over this few weeks, many things happened.
and i could feel my discomfort all over again.

i never liked sales.
i guess you can see from my posts for the past 13 months.
but i've managed to struggle through it.
and somehow i stopped doing sales after being promoted.
though there was the tough transition period where my life was hell for 2 months.
being screamed at every single hour and being paranoid about work.
then that moment passed, i got used to everything at work once again.
just when i thought everything was alright already, changes happened again.
where the focus is now back to sales.
the expectations of a sales manager begins.
i never thought im good in sales in any way.
i never thought im a good sales manager in any way either.
yet now, im being tasked to perform.
the pressure of the expectations are killing me somehow.
i realised how i do not know many things.
and that i suck at most of it.
yet i'm still supposed to lead by example.
which is getting me out of my comfort zone.
i do not enjoy doing what i am doing now.
but i dont seem to have a choice.
yes i do, to quit if i really want to make a choice.
but i know i can't at the moment.
because i have other goals to achieve first.

maybe you can't tell on the outside.
but i honestly dislike being a manager somehow.
the amount of responsibilities i have, drives me nuts at times.
the amount of 'wei qu' i feel, makes me just wanna be a kid again.
where i didnt have to think that much.
my mind is all about work now every single hour.
and if it's not about work, it's about my salesperson.
about how they wil respond or react if i do this, or that.
how would they feel or think about me if i say this or that.
each time my phone rings, i get paranoid, thinking if it's them or my boss.
ahhhh fck, it's really driving me nuts.
i hate this lifestyle that i have now.
it's making me miserable every sunday.
these couple of days, it affected me so badly that i hardly have mood for anything.
i just want to go on a holiday.
a really long one.
but... sigh.

monday again tmr.
guess i can only look forward to friday.
someone, give me somthing to look forward to everyday pls.
:(

11:06 PM ·